Questions to Ask Your Partner: 80 by Topic, From Their Day to Marriage

The best questions to ask your partner are open ones about something specific: their day, their past, what they want next, and how the two of you are doing. Below are 80 questions sorted by the topic people actually search for, from “about their day” to “before getting married” and “during a rough patch”. Pick the section that fits where you are, ask one question, and let the follow-ups do the work. You do not need all 80; one good question a night beats a list read out like an interview.

How to ask so it doesn’t feel like an interview

• One question, two follow-ups. “What happened next?” and “How did that feel?” get further than the next question on the list.
• Answer it yourself too. Questions land better as a swap than a survey.
• Pick the moment. Light questions on a walk or in the car, heavy ones when you both have an hour and nowhere to be.
• Don’t argue with the answer. If something stings, say “tell me more”, not “that’s not true”. You can discuss it later.

Questions to ask your partner about their day

“How was your day?” gets “fine”. These get a story.

1. What was the best ten minutes of your day?
2. Who annoyed you today, and do you want me to be annoyed with you?
3. What took more energy than it should have?
4. Did anything make you laugh out loud?
5. What’s one thing you’re still thinking about from today?
6. Was there a moment you wished I was there?
7. What do you need tonight: to talk, to be distracted, or quiet?
8. What’s one thing tomorrow you’re looking forward to?

Questions to ask your partner about their childhood

9. What did a normal Saturday look like when you were eight?
10. Which adult outside your family did you look up to?
11. What were you secretly proud of as a kid?
12. What rule in your house did you think was unfair?
13. What smell or food takes you straight back home?
14. How did your family show they were proud of you?
15. What did you want to be, and when did that change?
16. Is there something from your childhood you want our home to have, or not have?

Questions to ask your partner about their past

Past relationships are fair to ask about once you are serious. The goal is understanding, not a scoreboard.

17. What’s something a past relationship taught you that you still use?
18. What did you need back then that you didn’t get?
19. Is there a habit you picked up to protect yourself that you’d like to drop?
20. Which year of your life would you like to redo, and why?
21. What’s a decision you’re glad you made before you met me?
22. Who knew you best before I did?
23. Is there anything from your past you’ve wanted to tell me but never found the moment?
24. What part of your old self do you miss?

Questions to ask your partner about the future

25. Where do you want to wake up in five years: city, coast, countryside?
26. What would you do with a year off and enough money?
27. What does a successful life look like to you, without the job title?
28. Which tradition do you want us to start?
29. What skill do you want to learn before you’re 50?
30. How much do you want our life to change, and how much to stay the same?
31. What are you a little scared of about getting older?
32. What’s one trip we have to take together?

Questions to ask your partner about your relationship

33. When do you feel closest to me?
34. What do I do that you’d miss most if I stopped?
35. Is there something you’d like more of from me, but feel silly asking for?
36. What’s our best habit as a couple?
37. When we argue, what do you wish I did differently?
38. How do you like to be comforted when you’re upset: space, a hug, or advice?
39. What’s something we used to do that we should bring back?
40. What’s one thing you think we handle better than most couples?

Questions to ask your partner before moving in

41. What does a clean kitchen mean to you, and when does it need to be clean?
42. How do we split rent and bills: half, by income, or something else?
43. How often are friends or family welcome to stay?
44. Are you a morning or night person at home, and how loud?
45. How much alone time do you need, and where in the flat will you take it?
46. Which chores do you actually not mind?
47. What would make the place feel like “ours” and not just yours or mine?
48. What do we do if one of us wants to move out?

Questions to ask your partner before getting married

49. Do you want children, how many, and roughly when?
50. How do you feel about joint accounts and debts?
51. How involved do you expect our parents to be?
52. What role, if any, should religion or culture play in our home?
53. Whose career comes first if a move is needed?
54. What does commitment mean to you on a bad year, not a good one?
55. How should we handle a fight we can’t solve: time, therapy, a third person?
56. What does a good marriage you’ve seen look like up close?

Questions to ask your partner after a year together

57. What surprised you most about me this year?
58. What’s your favourite memory of us so far?
59. What did you think of me on our first date, honestly?
60. What’s something you’ve learned to love about me that annoyed you at first?
61. How have you changed since we met?
62. What do you want our second year to have more of?
63. Is there anything you held back this year that you’d like to say now?
64. What’s one thing we should celebrate every year?

Questions to ask your partner during a rough patch

Ask these calmly, not mid-fight. Listen to the whole answer before you reply.

65. What’s been the hardest part of the last few weeks for you?
66. When did you last feel like we were on the same team?
67. What do you think I’m not seeing?
68. Is there something you need me to stop doing, even for a while?
69. What’s one small thing that would make tomorrow easier?
70. Do you feel heard when we argue? What would help?
71. What still feels good between us, even now?
72. Do you want to work through this alone together, or with someone’s help?

If a rough patch involves fear, control or harm, that is not something questions fix: talk to someone you trust or a support line in your country.

Cute and funny questions to ask your partner

73. If we were a pair of cartoon characters, who would we be?
74. What’s the most “me” thing I do?
75. Which of my outfits would you hide if you could?
76. What would our reality show be called?
77. What nickname of mine would you never say in public?
78. If you had to describe us in three emojis, which ones?
79. Who would win a cooking contest between us, and who would judge?
80. What’s a tiny thing I do that makes you smile every time?

One question a day, answered on two phones

Lists are easy to start and easy to forget. Closerly, our couples app for Android and iPhone, has a free Daily Talk: one new question each day for the two of you. You each answer on your own phone, and the app only reveals both answers once you have both shared, so nobody copies or softens theirs. The questions move through a season of 48 in four steps, from soft and curious through flirty and intimate to deep questions about your future, and past answers stay in a history you can scroll back through. The same room has a Love Quiz, truth or dare and never have I ever for nights you want a game. For more ideas, see our conversation starters for couples or test each other with these couples quiz questions.

Common questions

What are good questions to ask your partner?
Open, specific ones: “What was the best ten minutes of your day?”, “When do you feel closest to me?”, “Where do you want to wake up in five years?” Ask one and follow up instead of moving down a list.

What questions should you ask before marriage?
Children, money and debts, the role of parents, religion and culture, whose career comes first, and how you will handle a fight you can’t solve.

What should you ask your partner during a rough patch?
Calm questions that invite them to talk: what has been hardest, when you last felt like a team, and one small thing that would make tomorrow easier.

How many questions should you ask at once?
One or two per conversation. The follow-ups matter more than the number of questions.

Is there an app with daily questions for couples?
Yes. Closerly’s Daily Talk gives two linked phones one question a day and reveals both answers once you have both replied; it is free.